Dear Covid Diary:

I have this weird ability to say something and then within days have the exact opposite happen

For example, the other day I was looking at my belt…

… I have only one belt. I fear that the “Suspender Days” are nearly upon me due to my “naturally curvy figure,” so I don’t want to overinvest in the belt department…

…and I said “What a great belt.! I’ve had it for 20 years and its still going strong!”

Yep. It broke today.

Gotta go buy a belt….because my nipples aren’t ready for the chafing and erect possibilities of suspenders. 

(On the bright side, it was just a belt. I once had a button pop on my pants and take out the eye of a girl I was dating. After that I had to call her “Pirate Girl” because of the eye-patch. Oddly, she also had a peg leg…)

It’s true. My comments always do a 180 degree turn.. 

So…Trump will be re-elected and COVID-19 will never end.

Backwards in peace,

Brian

PS: My wife will never agree to a threesome with Tyra Banks.