Here is my Out of Office reply for the upcoming holiday season.
Dear Team:
I will be out of the office from December 21, 2025 until January 6th, 2025.
Much to my chagrin, I am currently dealing with an unprecedented housing crisis. My gingerbread residence at 416 Cookie Crumb Lane has been served with an immediate foreclosure notice by M.I.C.E. (Mousehold Investment & Credit Enterprise), a predatory lending syndicate run by opportunistic rodents.
The situation developed after an aggressive mouse family identified structural vulnerabilities in my load-bearing candy canes and initiated a hostile takeover of my south-facing gumdrop garden. Despite my best efforts to maintain the property’s integrity with regular applications of off-brand royal icing, their legal team (Whiskers, Cheesecrumb, & Associates) cited multiple code violations, including:
- Insufficient peppermint stick reinforcement in primary support columns
- Non-regulation thickness of graham roof tiles
- Unauthorized licorice extensions added during last year’s renovation
I will be spending the upcoming two weeks consulting with top architectural firms specializing in confectionery construction and installing new security features (motion-detecting sprinkles).
I will have limited email access as the mice have eaten my router’s fruit cake casing.
Warmly,
Brian
P.S. – If anyone receives suspicious emails from my address offering “premium cheese futures,” please disregard. The mice have also gained access to my contact list.
