Every crack of noon, when I try to arise from my slumber, I lazily linger in bed engaging in what I like to call Bed Yoga.

For those of you with little knowledge of the spiritual and mindful arts, Bed Yoga is a highly advanced practice of stretching and contorting my body into various positions that mimic actual yoga poses, but with the added challenge of falling back to sleep.

It’s the only workout where the goal is to stay as relaxed and stationary as possible while pretending to want to be active.

And not getting out of bed.

And falling back to sleep until the crack of eve.

It’s like performing a contortionist show in your own bed, twisting your body into strange and awkward positions as you attempt to wrangle with the elusive Sandman for a few more moments of blissful slumber.

Like more vertical versions of yoga, there are specific and highly-crafted poses.

Downward Facing Paraplegic

Monkey Fallen from Tree

Sloth pose

and the…

Coconut pose.

I have no idea what that last one is but it feels so….zzzz.