Estimated reading time: 3 minutes
When I first set out to write “Otter Boy,” this is how the book was to begin. Of course, nothing about the Otter Boy novel that is with an editor right now is even remotely like this introduction. I can say it has changed by 180 degrees.
However, for giggles, and to amp up your thirst for my first novel when it arrives in early 2026, I share the exciting beginnings and raw opening draft.
Enjoy!
Of Mollusks and Men
The boisterous crowd filled the air with lively chatter as iPhones blared out tunes. The brilliant sun beamed down, reflecting off the shimmering water and creating an otherworldly ripple effect on the sides of the nearby building.
As the gate slowly creaked open, all eyes turned towards the mysterious figure emerging from the shadows. The chatter quickly hushed to a mere murmur, and whispers of “It’s him. Look.” floated through the crowd.
With a purposeful stride, he made his way to the edge of the water, with the excited crowd erupting into a unified chant of “Otter! Otter! Otter!”
Raising a hand to silence the masses, he pointed towards the water, commanding their attention. And with a graceful leap, he plunged into the depths below, resembling a daring cliff diver in some exotic location, as if narrated by a long-forgotten voice from the Wide World of Sports.
Perhaps even the legendary Chris Schenkel himself would have paused in awe, heightening the suspense before the mysterious figure resurfaced… or perhaps not.
The pool crowd certainly did on this day.
The only sound that remained was the incessant auto-tuned melodies, glorifying the physical perfection of some girl, most likely focusing on her derriere and what should be done to enhance it.
Then, he emerged from the water and effortlessly drifted onto his back, executing a flawless float.
His palms rose from his sides and converged in the center of his chest, skillfully manipulating the air.
The air was like a simulated mollusk, being cracked and shelled. He was known as Otter Boy.
The pool-goers erupted in another round of cheers, chanting “Otter! Otter! Otter!”
It was a truly enchanting moment.
Simply enchanting.
Rising from the pool’s edge, water cascading from his swim trunks and animalistic physique, he flashed a charming smile at a group of young seductresses who had just returned to their sun loungers.
“Hey, Otter Boy,” one of them purred.
He slyly glanced at her and delivered his signature line, “How’s it crackin’, babe?”
She giggled and blew him an affectionate kiss.
That’s how it always went…
…or at least how he envisioned it would go.
Today, he was indeed at the pool of the Neversink Commons Apartments. The sky was overcast, and the atmosphere was tranquil. A mosquito attempted to feast on his nipple, but was startled by its saggy appearance and went off in search of more desirable blood.
Otter Boy let out a resounding belch and took another leisurely sip of his lukewarm beer.
Key Takeaways
- The article introduces the raw opening draft of the novel ‘Otter Boy’, revealing its initial vision.
- The story begins with a lively crowd at a pool, excitedly anticipating the arrival of Otter Boy.
- Otter Boy enters with flair, captivating onlookers and achieving a memorable dive into the water.
- His charming persona and confident demeanor draw attention, especially from young admirers.
- The setting contrasts with his expectations, as he enjoys a less glamorous reality at the Neversink Commons Apartments.
Related Links
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His first manuscript was composed entirely of punctuation marks and confused sketches. He's since published "Not Bukowski" (poems that don't rhyme) and "Slop and Swell from a Festering Mind" (essays so concerning that bookstores check on his wellbeing). He once spent three hours photographing a rare bird that turned out to be a plastic bag, and he's the only person banned from church bake sales for "weaponized brownies." Inheriting absurdism from Vonnegut and Adams, sprawling narratives from Irving, and weaponized failure from Moore, he writes about conflicted everymen struggling through supernatural chaos.
He has two new, offbeat novels waiting foran agent or a publisher: "Truth Tastes Like Pennies" and "Elliot Nessie."
He remains unconvinced that birds aren't surveillance drones.
More biographic lies...err...info.
- Scientists Confirm Sperm Whales Have Language. Gary is pleased. - April 16, 2026
- The King Is Leaving Now. The Deer Is Not Doing Well. - April 15, 2026
- The Nobody Gets Away Café - April 13, 2026
