I Know How to Fall
A funny (?) essay about falling down (and never learning).
A funny (?) essay about falling down (and never learning).
Why those crush signals don’t mean what you think they do in 2026.
A satirical essay on the lies we tell ourselves. Language is our favorite tool of self-deception.
Tired of silly mixed dog breed names like Labradoodle and Schnoodle?
Theology ain’t always kind.
From explosive coughing fits to Baby Highland Cows, discover why I’m a terrible sleep partner.
Fantasizing about opening a vintage hat store.
Learn why all-wheel drive doesn’t mean invincible in snow.
Chocolate cravings at dawn lead to ’80s metal dreams.
A saga of this writer’s misguided attempt at working from a auto lot.
Who wins the ultimate literary showdown—the alcoholic authors or the teetotalers?
One man attempts to structure his entire existence around the narrative guidance of Queen’s most famous six-minute opera.
From the Corduroy Killer to bubble wrap assassins, meet history’s most incompetent criminals.
The Universe doesn’t exist, David Bromstad does, and 2026 being my year.
When it’s time to be Anti-Anti.
How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Pay $40 to Cancel Subscriptions I Paid $347 to Forget About.
A philosophical comedy essay about American absurdity, reincarnation, and why ranch dressing is for weasels.
A drum circle leads to an elaborate theory about why we all need detachable arms for better sleep.
A satirical look at the worst celebrities of 2025, from Cheryl Hines’ loyalty gymnastics to Kanye beefing with Patrick Star. Plus: KISS sells out and Hailee breaks Buffalo.
Featuring pig reflections, toilet acrobatics, and the conspiracy of Big Bathroom.
How to pretend your random ideas were planned all along.
Learn how to escalate absurdist storytelling with land speed racing, dimensional breaches, and increasingly questionable narrative choices.
A satirical guide to creative writing using historical images of bicycles, chickens, and questionable life choices.
What morning brain music teaches you about character development and being gloriously, catastrophically human.
Because naming your action hero Benedict Daffodil-Jones is a choice you’ll have to defend in the comments section forever.
When Otter Boy was a very different Otter Boy.
A Story About Compulsion, Pine Trees, and Why Writing Advice Can Go Fuck Itself.
Why writer’s paralysis keeps your story stuck in the pickle jar.
Stuck with writer’s block? Discover the writing hack nobody talks about.