Dear Covid Diary:
I have this weird ability to say something and then within days have the exact opposite happen
For example, the other day I was looking at my belt…
… I have only one belt. I fear that the “Suspender Days” are nearly upon me due to my “naturally curvy figure,” so I don’t want to overinvest in the belt department…
…and I said “What a great belt.! I’ve had it for 20 years and its still going strong!”
Yep. It broke today.
Gotta go buy a belt….because my nipples aren’t ready for the chafing and erect possibilities of suspenders.
(On the bright side, it was just a belt. I once had a button pop on my pants and take out the eye of a girl I was dating. After that I had to call her “Pirate Girl” because of the eye-patch. Oddly, she also had a peg leg…)
It’s true. My comments always do a 180 degree turn..
So…Trump will be re-elected and COVID-19 will never end.
Backwards in peace,
Brian
PS: My wife will never agree to a threesome with Tyra Banks.
See my Amazon author page and buy my books.
His first manuscript was composed entirely of punctuation marks and confused sketches. He's since published "Not Bukowski" (poems that don't rhyme) and "Slop and Swell from a Festering Mind" (essays so concerning that bookstores check on his wellbeing). He once spent three hours photographing a rare bird that turned out to be a plastic bag, and he's the only person banned from church bake sales for "weaponized brownies." Inheriting absurdism from Vonnegut and Adams, sprawling narratives from Irving, and weaponized failure from Moore, he writes about conflicted everymen struggling through supernatural chaos.
He has two new, offbeat novels waiting foran agent or a publisher: "Truth Tastes Like Pennies" and "Elliot Nessie."
He remains unconvinced that birds aren't surveillance drones.
More biographic lies...err...info.
- Packing for Marrakech, Distracted by Fried Chicken Fashion - April 20, 2026
- I Am Not a Carwash Guy Either - April 17, 2026
- Scientists Confirm Sperm Whales Have Language. Gary is pleased. - April 16, 2026
