Dear Covid Diary,
Chatting with my daughter last evening, we wondered how many people a serial killer had to kill before they got a name like “The Golden State Killer.”
For some reason, my wife knew this. You have to kill 3 people on separate occasions (obviously) to be considered a serial killer. (Kill just 2, and I guess you are considered to be having a bad year.) She said that once you meet the serial killer criteria, you are entitled to a name (Should I go missing, please arrest her. She is definitely guilty of something with this knowledge. She should be easily found as “The Handsome Husband Killer.”).
That established, it seems like you have to have the word “Killer” in your name. There’s “The Zodiac Killer,” ”The Green River Killer,” ”The Killer Clown,” “Joel Rifkin”…wait, what?
I guess that is not true, right “Son of Sam?” And who the hell was Sam? And did he pass on a family business or did he just suck at parenting?
I went to look up how many people “The Golden State Killer“ had killed. Thirteen. But… he raped 50 and committed 120 burglaries.
That’s quite a body of work. It seems killing was only a side gig. He really should be know as “The Golden State Asshole Thug.”
Curiously,
Brian
See my Amazon author page.
His first manuscript was composed entirely of punctuation marks and confused sketches. He's since published "Not Bukowski" (poems that don't rhyme) and "Slop and Swell from a Festering Mind" (essays so concerning that bookstores check on his wellbeing). He once spent three hours photographing a rare bird that turned out to be a plastic bag, and he's the only person banned from church bake sales for "weaponized brownies." Inheriting absurdism from Vonnegut and Adams, sprawling narratives from Irving, and weaponized failure from Moore, he writes about conflicted everymen struggling through supernatural chaos. He remains unconvinced that birds aren't surveillance drones.
More biographic lies...err...info.
- When God Closes a Door, He Needs to Go Get Some Paprika - March 5, 2026
- Monkey Testicles, Missing Documents, and the Eternal Quest to Stay on Top - March 3, 2026
- Under the Blood Worm Moon, Nobody Has to Learn Anything - March 3, 2026
