My 5 Worst (non-Political) Celebrities of 2025: From Patrick Star Betrayals to Kiss Cam Catastrophes
A satirical look at the worst celebrities of 2025, from Cheryl Hines' loyalty gymnastics to Kanye beefing with Patrick Star. Plus: KISS sells out and Hailee breaks Buffalo.
Forget the mainstream lists—here are my personal picks for the worst celebrities of 2025, ranked in reverse order of their crimes against humanity (and cartoon characters).
5. Cheryl Hines – You divorced Larry for being a knucklehead, but Roberto gets a pass?
The mental gymnastics of dropping Larry David but riding out the Olivia Nuzzi scandal, the anti-vax crusade, and the literal stress hives. Peak cognitive dissonance.
But let’s talk about the real story here: Cheryl literally broke out in hives meeting Trump – actual medical hives that sent her to the ER with swollen lips – and her response was basically “Welp, guess I’m a MAGA wife now!” Meanwhile, Larry David, the guy who introduced her to RFK Jr., gets ghosted because he’s politically disappointed? Larry David, whose entire comedic persona is being a knucklehead, is too much of a knucklehead for her now? The man who played himself being an insufferable neurotic for 12 seasons is suddenly the bridge too far? Not the brain worm guy. Not the guy who compared vaccine mandates to the Holocaust. Not the guy sexting a reporter. Larry David is where she draws the line. It’s like divorcing Mr. Rogers because he was too judgmental, while staying married to a man who makes raccoons nervous. The cognitive dissonance isn’t just peak – it’s Everest-level, oxygen-deprived, Sherpas-have-given-up territory.
4. Kanye West – What the hell did Patrick Star ever do to you?
Of all the cartoon characters to put on a betrayal list, he chose the lovable idiot starfish who lives under a rock. What did Patrick do? Forget to invite Ye to a jellyfishing expedition? This is the most inexplicable beef of 2025.
Patrick Star. Patrick. Star. A fictional seastar who literally lives under a rock and whose greatest life achievement is occasionally remembering his own name made Kanye’s betrayal list alongside his own daughter, Diddy, and LeBron James. What level of mental collapse do you have to reach to feel betrayed by a Nickelodeon character? Did Patrick fail to defend Ye on Twitter? Did he attend a rival seastar’s album release party? Was he spotted wearing Taylor Swift merchandise at the Krusty Krab? The man put Curious George on the list too – a monkey who can’t even talk and whose main character trait is causing problems through ignorance. These are the people Kanye feels wronged by. Not people. Cartoons. This isn’t a betrayal list – it’s a cry for help written in crayon. It’s the equivalent of adding the Monopoly Man to your enemies list because he charged you rent on Boardwalk. Somewhere in Bikini Bottom, Patrick is going “Huh?” and that’s still more self-awareness than Kanye’s demonstrated all year.
3. Andy Byron – Wasn’t actually famous until a Coldplay concert but still was a Tech CEO. That’s annoying though, right bruh?
“Wasn’t actually famous until…” is the perfect summation. Dude speedran from anonymous tech bro to international punchline in 30 seconds of kiss cam footage. The fact that he was a Tech CEO just adds that extra layer of “of course he was.”
Here’s a guy who probably had a LinkedIn profile that used words like “synergy” and “disruption” unironically, making six figures to do… whatever tech CEOs do (host Zoom meetings about hosting Zoom meetings?), and then boom – kiss cam immortality. Thirty seconds. That’s all it took to go from “Who?” to “Oh, that guy.” And the best part? He and his company’s HR chief – the HR chief, the person literally in charge of workplace conduct policies – got caught making out on a jumbotron at a Coldplay concert. Not even a cool band! They threw away their marriages and careers for “Viva La Vida”! The universe has a sick sense of humor, and it decided to demonstrate it by making a tech bro the poster child for poor life choices. This man’s Wikipedia page now starts with “kiss cam scandal” and there’s something deeply satisfying about that. He achieved the fame Andy Warhol promised us – fifteen minutes of it, all mortifying. Somewhere, Chris Martin is still going “Bloody hell, not at my concert.”
2. KISS – No. No. No. My childhood idols agreed to get an award from Trump.
The betrayal cuts deep. You don’t want to discover you share a Spotify Wrapped with Trump. Though that Winger admission is gold – “Seventeen” is absolutely on both your playlists and you know it.
KISS – the band that literally wore demon makeup and breathed fire – decided the scariest thing they could do in 2025 was accept an award from Trump. Gene Simmons, the guy who licensed his likeness to KISS coffins (real thing, look it up), somehow found a way to make death less dignified. These are the guys who told us to “Rock and Roll All Nite,” and now they’re rocking and rolling all the way to Mar-a-Lago for a photo op. The same band that sang “I Was Made for Lovin’ You” is making us question if we were made for lovin’ them. And you’re right about the Winger problem – there’s no escaping “Seventeen.” It’s a banger, and Trump definitely has it on his playlist right between “YMCA” and whatever Kid Rock is doing. You can’t un-know this. You can’t un-hear Trump air-guitaring to the same power ballad you secretly loved in high school. This is your rock and roll nightmare, and Paul Stanley’s star-painted face is cackling at you from the depths of your betrayed childhood. Gene Simmons’ tongue isn’t just wagging – it’s wagging at you specifically. Somewhere, Ace Frehley is glad he’s dead so he doesn’t have to witness this. Thanks, KISS. Thanks for making “Detroit Rock City” feel like “Mar-a-Lago Sellout City.”
1. Hailee Steinfeld Breaking Josh Allen
You broke Josh Allen. Unforgivable.
This is devastating. She cursed him! The Bills Mafia will never forgive her. Breaking an NFL QB’s confidence is an unforgivable sin.
Josh Allen was on track to be a god in Buffalo. The man who was going to break the Bills’ Super Bowl curse, the franchise savior, the guy Bills Mafia would build statues of made entirely from chicken wings and Labatt Blue cans. And then Hailee Steinfeld showed up and broke him. Not physically – mentally, emotionally, spiritually. Whatever magic mojo Allen had disappeared faster than a table at a Bills tailgate. This woman – this actress – somehow convinced an NFL quarterback that throwing interceptions was an acceptable life choice. She Yoko Ono’d the Buffalo Bills! The city that literally lit itself on fire celebrating making the playoffs now watches their golden boy crumble like week-old Buffalo snow, and it’s all her fault. You don’t break an NFL quarterback, Hailee. You don’t do that to Buffalo. They’ve suffered enough – four straight Super Bowl losses, decades of mediocrity, winters that make Antarctica look tropical – and you added this to their misery? There’s a special level of sports hell reserved for people who curse franchise quarterbacks, and she’s the newest resident. Bills Mafia will remember. They always remember. Somewhere, a folding table remains un-jumped-through in her dishonor.
In the end, 2025 taught us that cartoon characters have better judgment than most humans, kiss cams are surveillance devices in disguise, and sometimes the real betrayal is discovering your childhood heroes would absolutely attend the same parties as people you’d cross the street to avoid. At least Patrick Star is still under that rock, blissfully unaware he made anyone’s enemies list.
Key Takeaways
The article ranks the worst celebrities of 2025 based on their questionable actions and decisions.
Cheryl Hines faces backlash for her contradictory political affiliations, especially after divorcing Larry David.
Kanye West’s bizarre betrayal list includes cartoon characters like Patrick Star, showcasing his mental decline.
Andy Byron gained fame from a kiss cam incident, highlighting the ridiculousness of modern celebrity culture.
Hailee Steinfeld’s impact on Josh Allen’s performance raises the ire of Bills Mafia, marking her as a sports villain.
Brian Gerard (Lewandowski) writes books critics call "aggressively adequate"—better than "aggressively terrible" but somehow more concerning. He once traded a MetroCard for a pitchfork on a subway platform and now uses it exclusively for dramatic pointing. He lives on a farm outside Charlottesville, Virginia with three disappointed potted plants, a judgmental pig named Trouble McFussbucket, and a wife who smiles politely at his life choices.
His first manuscript was composed entirely of punctuation marks and confused sketches. He's since published "Not Bukowski" (poems that don't rhyme) and "Slop and Swell from a Festering Mind" (essays so concerning that bookstores check on his wellbeing). He once spent three hours photographing a rare bird that turned out to be a plastic bag, and he's the only person banned from church bake sales for "weaponized brownies." Inheriting absurdism from Vonnegut and Adams, sprawling narratives from Irving, and weaponized failure from Moore, he writes about conflicted everymen struggling through supernatural chaos. He remains unconvinced that birds aren't surveillance drones.
My 5 Worst (non-Political) Celebrities of 2025: From Patrick Star Betrayals to Kiss Cam Catastrophes
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Estimated reading time: 7 minutes
Forget the mainstream lists—here are my personal picks for the worst celebrities of 2025, ranked in reverse order of their crimes against humanity (and cartoon characters).
5. Cheryl Hines – You divorced Larry for being a knucklehead, but Roberto gets a pass?
The mental gymnastics of dropping Larry David but riding out the Olivia Nuzzi scandal, the anti-vax crusade, and the literal stress hives. Peak cognitive dissonance.
But let’s talk about the real story here: Cheryl literally broke out in hives meeting Trump – actual medical hives that sent her to the ER with swollen lips – and her response was basically “Welp, guess I’m a MAGA wife now!” Meanwhile, Larry David, the guy who introduced her to RFK Jr., gets ghosted because he’s politically disappointed? Larry David, whose entire comedic persona is being a knucklehead, is too much of a knucklehead for her now? The man who played himself being an insufferable neurotic for 12 seasons is suddenly the bridge too far? Not the brain worm guy. Not the guy who compared vaccine mandates to the Holocaust. Not the guy sexting a reporter. Larry David is where she draws the line. It’s like divorcing Mr. Rogers because he was too judgmental, while staying married to a man who makes raccoons nervous. The cognitive dissonance isn’t just peak – it’s Everest-level, oxygen-deprived, Sherpas-have-given-up territory.
4. Kanye West – What the hell did Patrick Star ever do to you?
Of all the cartoon characters to put on a betrayal list, he chose the lovable idiot starfish who lives under a rock. What did Patrick do? Forget to invite Ye to a jellyfishing expedition? This is the most inexplicable beef of 2025.
Patrick Star. Patrick. Star. A fictional seastar who literally lives under a rock and whose greatest life achievement is occasionally remembering his own name made Kanye’s betrayal list alongside his own daughter, Diddy, and LeBron James. What level of mental collapse do you have to reach to feel betrayed by a Nickelodeon character? Did Patrick fail to defend Ye on Twitter? Did he attend a rival seastar’s album release party? Was he spotted wearing Taylor Swift merchandise at the Krusty Krab? The man put Curious George on the list too – a monkey who can’t even talk and whose main character trait is causing problems through ignorance. These are the people Kanye feels wronged by. Not people. Cartoons. This isn’t a betrayal list – it’s a cry for help written in crayon. It’s the equivalent of adding the Monopoly Man to your enemies list because he charged you rent on Boardwalk. Somewhere in Bikini Bottom, Patrick is going “Huh?” and that’s still more self-awareness than Kanye’s demonstrated all year.
3. Andy Byron – Wasn’t actually famous until a Coldplay concert but still was a Tech CEO. That’s annoying though, right bruh?
“Wasn’t actually famous until…” is the perfect summation. Dude speedran from anonymous tech bro to international punchline in 30 seconds of kiss cam footage. The fact that he was a Tech CEO just adds that extra layer of “of course he was.”
Here’s a guy who probably had a LinkedIn profile that used words like “synergy” and “disruption” unironically, making six figures to do… whatever tech CEOs do (host Zoom meetings about hosting Zoom meetings?), and then boom – kiss cam immortality. Thirty seconds. That’s all it took to go from “Who?” to “Oh, that guy.” And the best part? He and his company’s HR chief – the HR chief, the person literally in charge of workplace conduct policies – got caught making out on a jumbotron at a Coldplay concert. Not even a cool band! They threw away their marriages and careers for “Viva La Vida”! The universe has a sick sense of humor, and it decided to demonstrate it by making a tech bro the poster child for poor life choices. This man’s Wikipedia page now starts with “kiss cam scandal” and there’s something deeply satisfying about that. He achieved the fame Andy Warhol promised us – fifteen minutes of it, all mortifying. Somewhere, Chris Martin is still going “Bloody hell, not at my concert.”
2. KISS – No. No. No. My childhood idols agreed to get an award from Trump.
The betrayal cuts deep. You don’t want to discover you share a Spotify Wrapped with Trump. Though that Winger admission is gold – “Seventeen” is absolutely on both your playlists and you know it.
KISS – the band that literally wore demon makeup and breathed fire – decided the scariest thing they could do in 2025 was accept an award from Trump. Gene Simmons, the guy who licensed his likeness to KISS coffins (real thing, look it up), somehow found a way to make death less dignified. These are the guys who told us to “Rock and Roll All Nite,” and now they’re rocking and rolling all the way to Mar-a-Lago for a photo op. The same band that sang “I Was Made for Lovin’ You” is making us question if we were made for lovin’ them. And you’re right about the Winger problem – there’s no escaping “Seventeen.” It’s a banger, and Trump definitely has it on his playlist right between “YMCA” and whatever Kid Rock is doing. You can’t un-know this. You can’t un-hear Trump air-guitaring to the same power ballad you secretly loved in high school. This is your rock and roll nightmare, and Paul Stanley’s star-painted face is cackling at you from the depths of your betrayed childhood. Gene Simmons’ tongue isn’t just wagging – it’s wagging at you specifically. Somewhere, Ace Frehley is glad he’s dead so he doesn’t have to witness this. Thanks, KISS. Thanks for making “Detroit Rock City” feel like “Mar-a-Lago Sellout City.”
1. Hailee Steinfeld Breaking Josh Allen
You broke Josh Allen. Unforgivable.
This is devastating. She cursed him! The Bills Mafia will never forgive her. Breaking an NFL QB’s confidence is an unforgivable sin.
Josh Allen was on track to be a god in Buffalo. The man who was going to break the Bills’ Super Bowl curse, the franchise savior, the guy Bills Mafia would build statues of made entirely from chicken wings and Labatt Blue cans. And then Hailee Steinfeld showed up and broke him. Not physically – mentally, emotionally, spiritually. Whatever magic mojo Allen had disappeared faster than a table at a Bills tailgate. This woman – this actress – somehow convinced an NFL quarterback that throwing interceptions was an acceptable life choice. She Yoko Ono’d the Buffalo Bills! The city that literally lit itself on fire celebrating making the playoffs now watches their golden boy crumble like week-old Buffalo snow, and it’s all her fault. You don’t break an NFL quarterback, Hailee. You don’t do that to Buffalo. They’ve suffered enough – four straight Super Bowl losses, decades of mediocrity, winters that make Antarctica look tropical – and you added this to their misery? There’s a special level of sports hell reserved for people who curse franchise quarterbacks, and she’s the newest resident. Bills Mafia will remember. They always remember. Somewhere, a folding table remains un-jumped-through in her dishonor.
In the end, 2025 taught us that cartoon characters have better judgment than most humans, kiss cams are surveillance devices in disguise, and sometimes the real betrayal is discovering your childhood heroes would absolutely attend the same parties as people you’d cross the street to avoid. At least Patrick Star is still under that rock, blissfully unaware he made anyone’s enemies list.
Key Takeaways
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His first manuscript was composed entirely of punctuation marks and confused sketches. He's since published "Not Bukowski" (poems that don't rhyme) and "Slop and Swell from a Festering Mind" (essays so concerning that bookstores check on his wellbeing). He once spent three hours photographing a rare bird that turned out to be a plastic bag, and he's the only person banned from church bake sales for "weaponized brownies." Inheriting absurdism from Vonnegut and Adams, sprawling narratives from Irving, and weaponized failure from Moore, he writes about conflicted everymen struggling through supernatural chaos. He remains unconvinced that birds aren't surveillance drones.
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